What stayed with me is the discovery that vulnerability does not intensify the limerence, but helps loosen its hold. “I’m powerful when I’m vulnerable” becomes more than a therapeutic phrase; it becomes a way of returning to yourself.
I also loved the final image of the Substack share as a cold, wet splat of honesty: awkward, exposed, and completely alive.
This is a brave essay! “Limerence” as a word has only been used for 47 years, and was coined by a therapist to describe a very intense feeling of romantic attraction that is fueled more by idealization of the other person than by realistic perceptions or practical thinking about that individual. Your use of that technical term shows that you have done lots of homework and are serious about discovering what really is going on. You are in a tough spot, with children resisting change. Perhaps involving your children
in the discovery process might
be an effective way to vet this person and see if he is the real McCoy. Before I met her, my dear wife moved back home to
stay with her parents, partly as a test of anybody she dated. Any fellow who lost interest upon finding she lived at home thus took himself out of the running as a worthy marriage
candidate. When I arrived to pick her up, every male relative
in the neighborhood was there in the living room, so right away
I knew how important she was to her family. I think you are wise to be cautious, and your overture via Substack sounds like a very good idea. Reality is a great antidote to limerence.
What stayed with me is the discovery that vulnerability does not intensify the limerence, but helps loosen its hold. “I’m powerful when I’m vulnerable” becomes more than a therapeutic phrase; it becomes a way of returning to yourself.
I also loved the final image of the Substack share as a cold, wet splat of honesty: awkward, exposed, and completely alive.
This is a brave essay! “Limerence” as a word has only been used for 47 years, and was coined by a therapist to describe a very intense feeling of romantic attraction that is fueled more by idealization of the other person than by realistic perceptions or practical thinking about that individual. Your use of that technical term shows that you have done lots of homework and are serious about discovering what really is going on. You are in a tough spot, with children resisting change. Perhaps involving your children
in the discovery process might
be an effective way to vet this person and see if he is the real McCoy. Before I met her, my dear wife moved back home to
stay with her parents, partly as a test of anybody she dated. Any fellow who lost interest upon finding she lived at home thus took himself out of the running as a worthy marriage
candidate. When I arrived to pick her up, every male relative
in the neighborhood was there in the living room, so right away
I knew how important she was to her family. I think you are wise to be cautious, and your overture via Substack sounds like a very good idea. Reality is a great antidote to limerence.